Trust Without Borders
Mila Mae’s Birth Story
February 11, 2020
First some background info:
My first 3 births were hospital births flooded with intervention after intervention. I thought I needed epidurals because of all the horrible birth stories I had heard about how painful it was, and the “you don’t need to be a superhero” line I kept hearing. I just figured it was this horrible experience that needed to be medicated and forgotten.There is so much fear talk surrounding labor and birth and I think that plays a HUGE role in how you perceive it and eventually give birth yourself. Those were some of the greatest days of my life yes, but I knew the moment I saw those two pink lines I wanted a different experience for this baby’s entrance into the world so I only sought out the positive. I began looking for a midwife, I read Ina Mays Guide To Childbirth , and talked to anyone I knew who had a natural birth experience. My mindset was always positive-excitement. After all of my reading, interviewing, and talking to natural birth mamas, I learned that I was capable of so much more than what I was giving myself credit for.
I learned that yes, birth is tough but women are TOUGHER! That this is such a sacred and special time in our life that needs to be celebrated, empowered and remembered with great fondness. So we hired a midwife, who only did home births and I was determined to have an incredible experience for my baby, my kids, my husband and myself. It was that, and so so much more! I had no idea birth could be this amazing!!!!!
So, the story!!!!
Everything about this pregnancy had been so different from the others that I should have known labor would be as well. It started on 2/10 at 8:30 in the morning (39 weeks pregnant) with me losing some plug. I told Michael and he joked that he better get some things tied up at work “just in case” he wouldn’t be in for a while. I later text my midwives and let them know, they informed me that it could be hours or days until labor started but I suddenly had this urgency to get things done. Call it mother’s intuition. I went to the chiropractor to make sure everything was aligned for birth, made an appointment to get an oil change, returned some items to TJ Maxx and made a Costco run. I took Jameson to our favorite coffee shop for a Mama and J date because I just had this feeling like it would be our last outing together for a while….
After our errands we went home to get some chores done and I made sure I had everything I needed for my birth kit readily available “just in case”. We had our usual night of basketball practices, homework, dinner and bedtime routines. Michael got home and we watched a show together, he asked how I was feeling, I told him “no different than usual” (I’d been having Braxton Hicks since I was around 20 weeks). I was certain I had at least another few days, my due date wasn’t until Thursday and it was Monday night.
I fell asleep on the couch and Michael woke me up at 12 to go to bed.
As I was climbing into bed I felt a warm gush… something I’ve never experienced before. I went downstairs to test the liquid to see if it was amniotic fluid before I said anything to Michael. The ph strip immediately turned dark blue…..positive for amniotic fluid! I text the midwives a picture to let them know and went back upstairs to let Michael know as well. He went from getting ready to climb into bed, to hyped up and ready to go! The midwives let us know that it could be hours until things got started since I wasn’t having any contractions yet and because of my previous birth history (all 12+hours) to try to get some sleep.
I laid down to try and rest but things started to change really quick. At 12:45 my legs got shaky and I felt a lot of pressure in my bum. I knew that there would be no resting for me. I did a round of the miles circuit to try and relax and take some of the pressure off. It helped for a bit but I was too restless to actually sleep. I got out of bed around 1:15am to take my dog out and then I laid on the couch because I didn’t want to disturb Michael. I knew I’d need him later on….
Contractions started shortly after at 2:20am and they were 5 -7 minutes apart..I started to worship and pray through each one. My anthem through this entire pregnancy was Oceans by Hillsong United:
And I will call upon your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in your embrace
For I am yours and you are mine
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my savior
It was the perfect song to get me through the waves of each contraction. I prayed for a quick easy labor. I prayed against meconium, for the kids to be at peace, for the baby to be strong and healthy, against hospital transfer, against fear and stress, to be totally relaxed etc. This was such a sweet time during this birth. The time alone in prayer, just me and my little babe. I kept saying “we can do this baby, we are strong, we’re in this together, we are ready to meet you and we love you so much.” I felt like we were a team working so hard together, relying on each other and fully trusting the process. Knowing that she was just trusting what was happening to her gave me so much strength. It helped me to not be fearful. Her strength gave me strength.
From 3:30am to 3:40am they went from being 5-7 minutes apart and able to breathe through them, to 3 minutes apart, on my hands and knees, swaying my hips making deep chest moans. I text my doula Katie and let her know that I needed her and Michael began blowing up the birth pool and getting everything else ready. At 4am my body knew that it was getting close and I spent 4 minutes on the toilet all the while having really intense contractions. At 4:10am they were a minute and thirty seconds apart so we let Marie (midwife) and Mandy (photographer) know that they should head over.
At 4:25am I threw up as I went through transition and I started to feel like Mila would be here soon! I was pacing back and forth in the bathroom as I rode the intense waves of each contraction. Madi and Abbi woke up and asked if everything was ok. Michael said “it’s go time!” They instantly got excited, Jameson greeted them, he had been awake since 2 am watching cartoons totally unphased by what was going on. They went downstairs to be with him but came up when it got closer to Mila being born.
Michael took over talking to Marie and Katie for the next 20 minutes. I kept asking him if they were close to being here because she was coming FAST. He came in the bathroom, rubbed my back, told me that I was doing fantastic and that they would be here in “5 minutes”. I told him that the pressure was so intense and that I didn’t think I could hold her in much longer. He said “they’ll be here in 5 minutes”, every time I asked it was five minutes. Smart man. I turned around and collapsed into his arms, I needed his strength and to feel his touch.
Marie called Michael at 4:35am to ask how it was going and to possibly walk him through delivery because it was that close! She asked him if I wanted to lay on my side to try and slow things down. I said “NO” because I felt like I would lose all control and she would come before they could get here so I kept pacing in the bathroom until they arrived.
I don’t remember what time it was but I looked up through a contraction and saw my sweet friend Mandy’s face. She had such a sweet look of concern and love that it put me at ease. The next time I looked up I heard my precious doulas voice saying “I’m here, I’m here!” It was 4:50 am. I let out the biggest sigh of relief and threw my arms around her.
Marie arrived right behind her. I was so relieved that they were both here. Katie asked me if I wanted to get in the pool and I said “YES!” I climbed in and it felt soooo dang good. I immediately relaxed. I leaned over the edge of the pool and the rest of my water broke, it was the wildest sensation. Katie applied counter pressure to my lower back and it was the best feeling in the world!
Marie checked the temperature of the water and said that it was too cold so we would need to boil some water to warm it up. Michael went to put a few pots on the stove and in that short amount of time I went from feeling relaxed to this intense need to push. They had me get out of the pool because it was still too cold to deliver in the water. I was so so disappointed to have to get out but knew that I needed to for the baby’s sake. I was in the pool for maybe 10 minutes. As I stepped out I felt her move down. Michael turned off the stove and rushed up because he knew she was close and he did not want to miss it. I looked over and saw the kids, right there in the middle of it all.
Marie asked if I wanted to lay on the bed but standing just felt right. I held onto the edge of my bed and listened to Marie and Katie as they said to breathe slowly into the pressure. After a couple contractions her head began to crown and OOOOH friends; the ring of fire is real and I’m pretty sure I said a few f-bombs as she got lower and lower. My entire abdomen tightened up and I roared her out at 5:04am. The body’s ejection reflex is incredible. I didn’t even have to push very hard, my body just knew what to do.
That was it, 3 contractions and she was here.
Marie handed her to me through my legs and I brought her to my chest. I looked down at her and whispered “we did it”! I climbed into my bed and felt so much joy and accomplishment. I looked to Michael and he had the most surreal look on his face like he couldn’t believe what just happened. He climbed into bed with us and we just stared at her.
We still didn’t know her sex at this point. Michael asked Marie what the gender was. With a smile on her face she said “ I don’t know you’re going to have to look”. We looked at each other and then the girls and asked them if they wanted to check. They looked at each other and said “YES”! Marie moved the umbilical cord and the girls looked down and said “GIRL, it’s a GIRL!” We instantly looked at J because he was so adamant on having a brother. I asked him what he thought about her and he said “I LOVE HER!” It was perfect. You could feel that it didn’t matter to him that he had a baby sister instead of his much demanded “baby brudder”.
Shortly after, still attached to Mila by the cord, I delivered the placenta and we let her stay attached to her first home until her cord was white. The entire time she was on my chest nursing like a champ. We all stared at her for what seemed like forever. She was perfect.
It came time to cut her cord and I just assumed that Michael would do it. He looked at the girls and asked if they wanted to do it. Madi, who is easily squeamish, with big eyes said “NO!”Abbi couldn’t have said “I will” any quicker. Marie walked her through it and she cut that cord with all the confidence in the world. I am completely blown away by her. It was so important for me to give my girls a positive birth experience because this would have an influence on how they view birth. I wanted them to see that birth is natural and beautiful, what they’re bodies are capable of, that they get to choose how they want to bring life into this world and that birth is nothing to fear. And they did. And it fills me with so much joy.
I was asked if I wanted to take a shower and I jumped at the idea. It sounded amazing! I handed Mila to Michael and Marie helped me to the bathroom. She started the shower, got my towels, nursing nightgown and postpartum underwear ready then helped me into the shower. Afterward she assisted me into my gown and undergarments and back to my bed. Katie brought me a meal and coconut water and made sure I was comfortable as Mila had her newborn exam. Having a supportive and loving birth team was incredibly special. I felt so dang loved, empowered, supported and cared for.
Michael helped to measure and weigh Mila, she was 8 pounds 4 ounces and 21 inches long. The kids were all piled in the bed with me as we watched them and it was one of the sweetest moments of my life.
The best part about this home birth was being HOME. In our own space with our kids, comfortable, relaxed, and free take our time doing whatever we wanted as everything was cleaned up around us. We didn’t have to rush anywhere, we weren’t poked and prodded, didn’t have to move rooms or be at the mercy of any staff. Nobody was interfering with the blissful peace bubble we were in. We were just surrounded by our people as they cared for and loved on us.
Before I knew it it was 9:45am and we were left alone to soak her and this experience in. We were all in awe of what just happened and we couldn’t believe that SHE was really here with us. We are so so smitten with her. She is beautiful, calm, sweet and peaceful.
Welcome to the world Mila Mae. You are so loved and adored.
